What's your favorite Season. The "hot" season has definitely arrived in the South so I thought it would be a great time to talk about a “hot” topic, Let's explore the birds and bees and the seasons of love. Did you know that the seasons of intimacy are a lot like the earths seasons. In many ways our sexual relationship actually has seasons that come and go. In fact, sexual intimacy has highs and lows like the thermometer.
Let’s start with one of my favorite seasons of the year, Spring. Everything is awakening from a time of dormancy and plants are budding with the beginnings of new life. Spring was the season that Adam and Eve first experienced in the garden as newlyweds. Everything was new and they had no hindrances or sexual barriers. From the heart of God, out of his love for us, our Father longs for our first time to be within the covenant of marriage. He knew from the beginning that sex outside the covenant can cause challenges later when we finally marry. The great news is spring is known as a season of restoration and God is not only the Creator of all things but the restorer as well.
If you experience sex outside of marriage, God can restore and renew your heart and emotions before you marry if you confess those choices to him, ask his forgiveness, and accept his mercy and healing. As a teenager I dated a lot of people so I speak from personal experience about our Father’s restoring power. The fact is with each dating relationship people have the tendency to give a small piece of their heart away as a result of emotional entanglement, not to mention the physical temptations faced due to an improper understanding of love and relating to the opposite sex. Before I met my husband, I had experienced a lot of what the world had to offer. He on the other hand had only had one other dating relationship prior to me. After we started seeing each other, I began to realize how much I longed for God to heal me from my past. I longed for him to restore my purity and renew my mind. I determined to take each relationship I had been in and confess any parts of it that were dishonoring or unhealthy, then I repented of any bad choices I had made, and God healed me from my past relationships. On our wedding day after I walked down the isle, we walked through the season of spring on our wedding night. Nothing is impossible with God and he longs to restore and heal us all from any past we many have in order for us to experience the “Spring” season in intimacy in our future.
In spring things begin to awaken. On the “honeymoon”, the bodies of the bride and groom are awakened from a period of sexual dormancy and every experience is fresh and new. The couple begins to learn about each other’s bodies and how to please one another. Even if one or both have experienced sex outside of marriage, the sexual relationship between a husband and wife is different inside the boundaries of marriage. There is a freedom that comes from being intimate with your spouse once you’ve entered into a covenant of love for a lifetime. There is a whole new level of intimacy based on the security of a lifelong commitment. Everything you experience can be refreshing and new. You may leave that season and enter another, but as sexual drives rise and fall throughout your life, it’s like starting anew each time.
Spring may come many times in a marriage as things are refreshed. One example might be after giving birth and having months of healing and breastfeeding behind you. It’s like starting the honeymoon all over again. Another example is when a woman enters menopause and her body goes through many changes. That’s when learning starts anew.
Summer follows Spring. Summer is the time of year when everything is in bloom and the newness is gone, but it is still exciting to see the fruit that is produced from the blooms in the spring. This is so true in marriage once the honeymoon phase is over and you’ve conquered the new beginning, then Summer just naturally follows. At the end of that time, you’ve fully come to know each other’s bodies, but there is still the opportunity each time to experience something new. Each time a couple comes together with their hearts and minds in the right place mutual enjoyment can be the fruit of their labor. At some point in “summer” the fruit you produce can also be the fruit of life. It’s a joyous time when a couple begins the process of partnering with God to create life by giving birth to a baby.
The most important thing to remember during the season of summer is to keep your perspective and don’t allow yourselves to become so focused on the end goal of having a baby that you forget to enjoy the process. I know so many couples facing infertility problems, and in their desperation to conceive they forgot to continue to love. There’s no reason to panic if you’re not getting pregnant immediately. The best thing to do is step back and regroup. Don’t allow pressure to become your partner because pressure will kill passion every time. Pressure can drive you to make wrong choices out of fear of failure. Trust God with his timing on your children. There are times in this season that you may have to seek medical advice, but remember that God is the great physician and holds the key to your success.
Fall is a time of resting where things are beginning to slow down sexually and settle in. You may be focused more on your career or other outside interests. If you have children, they begin to take some of your focus. For our marriage, fall was a time where children came into our lives and we entered a time of physical exhaustion. Quite frankly it was a time where I was so tired I thought I would fall like the leaves falling from the trees. This season too shall pass, but during this time intimacy can easily fall by the wayside because you’re so busy or you’re just too tired to commit to the work required to enjoy it. It’s OK to realize the season for what it is, but don’t allow yourselves to be apart for so long that you lose your oneness with each other. Scripture says in 1 Corinthians 7:5,
“Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (NIV)
During this season you may not enjoy the full capacities of sex, but by giving each other grace, you can still enjoy sex because it’s your way of staying connected. All other parts of your life, including the emotional health of your children, are cultivated from a healthy marriage foundation. A part of that foundation is sexual intimacy. It may be a time when quantity is less, but you can still strive for quality. This means regardless of how busy or tired you are, your physical oneness must still remain a top priority. You might actually have to put it on the calendar to guarantee it doesn’t get neglected. If you do have children, it may mean that you schedule an overnight baby sitter or a trip to the grandparents every now and then. It’s very important to remember that regardless of circumstances, intimacy must be pursued.
As you know, winter is the coldest season of the year. Winter is actually my favorite season. I love it because I enjoy the quietness of it, and I know spring is coming. In marriage, couples can visit this season several times due to different circumstances. It doesn’t have to be the gray and depressing time in our sexual lives, it can actually be the winter wonderland. It’s not necessarily the season at the end of our lives. It might simply be a season we enter for a time due to illness or injury or maybe even menopause. This doesn’t mean we have to stop enjoying our sexual relationship. It just takes on a whole new meaning. As long as we’re married we can love one another and enjoy the intimacy of just being together. It doesn’t have to be exciting all the time. It can simply be the peacefulness of feeling warm and cozy with your commitment to each other. After the dormancy comes the spring!
Just as in nature, seasons come and go in the royal kingdom. It doesn’t matter what season you’re in, each one can be a wonderful season of mutual sexual enjoyment for you and your spouse. Actually our differences as men and women can mean each season holds a new meaning of enjoyment for each of us and change is always good. It keeps us from getting bored and complacent in the bed chamber! If you want to learn more about joys of intimacy you can check out the book and order it on line at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or Christian Book Distributors. It’s sure to bring a season of Spring to your marriage!
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