In this season of giving thanks, let us not forget to thank God for marital intimacy! If you just rolled your eyes to that comment, this blog is for you. When it comes to the sex conversation, I've rolled my eyes a few times myself, until I dug in and learned the real reason God said, "It is very good." As he created Eve and presented her to the palace prince, God saw the magnificent potential of his plan. Adam and Eve may have blown the obedience factor in the garden, but they encountered something in the flowerbed none of us ever have. They're the only human beings to ever experience pure, uninhibited sexual intimacy untainted by their flesh or sin prior to eating the fruit from the tree.
Let's consider the magnitude of their sinless, sexual experience for a moment. Before their disobedient mistake at the fruit tree, Adam and Eve lived in perfect communion with the Father and one another. They were both virgins with no outside influence or past relationships to stand in their way. They had no obstacles of abuse or betrayal between them. They had never argued or lusted for another. Instead, they lived in absolute oneness within the perfect sexual union of marriage! Sadly, once sin entered the world their thoughts and behaviors changed as man and woman and the marital bliss slipped away. Sin altered their state of existence. Here's the great news! God devised another plan to restore that bliss and blessing out of His perfect love for you and I. Even though the choices of the first married couple created a bump in the road for us all, God wants us to rediscover his original sexual design. All it takes is faith in the power of his death, burial, and resurrection, a personal relationship with him, and our willingness to do the math. One plus one equals one!
Why did God create sex in the first place?
Let's start at the foundation of intimacy. Why did God create it? He created sexual love in marriage so we could become one. Not just through the ceremony or covenant of marriage, but literally one in flesh with our spouse. His desire for you and I is we find find a level of intimacy, not just sexually but spiritually, in such a way that the thoughts of separating is unimaginable. Before we go father, let me encourage you, if you've been divorced before, lay it down and leave it behind. What matters now is finding a peaceful place in your present relationship or future marriage that moves you forward into pure, everlasting, restored love and intimacy for a lifetime. When we say "I DO", we are committing to letting our past die, choosing to let it go and never look back, stepping forward at the altar and committing to cleave to one another for life.
Jesus spoke these words on the matter one day while in public,
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife and the two of them shall be one flesh.” Matthew 19:5 (ABPE)
It was his reply to the Pharisees who had determined to question him about divorce in hopes of trapping him in a response contrary to the laws of Moses. Their motive was impure, but what we learn from his reply gives insight into His heart. At this time in history, divorce did exist but only under strict guidelines. Women had no rights and were almost always the ones put away in divorce, destined to live in shame. In his response, Jesus brought clarity about the heart of God towards the beauty of marriage instead of dwelling on the destruction of divorce. God longs for us all to find oneness never separated through divorce. In Jesus response to the provoking Pharisees, he patiently brought their attention back to creation of the first married couple and defeated their plan while teaching us a life lesson.
In the scripture, the word "cleave" in Greek is debaq, which means “to glue together, to be closely joined, never to be severed.” There has never been a married couple more glued together than Adam and Eve before the fall. When God created Adam from the dust of the earth and then acknowledged his aloneness, instead of using more dirt for Eve he literally formed her from the very flesh and bones of her husband. They were not only spiritually joined but profoundly and physically joined as Eve was formed from Adam’s being. The word debaq here is an expression of the purest and closest union between husband and wife that can exist. Amazingly in the original Scriptures before present translations, the word two did not even exist. Adam and Eve were never two. They were always one. God created them to be one forever and he longs for that same oneness for you and I today.
How does oneness create a masterpiece?
In order for us to experience this oneness, which is not scientifically possible, we must understand it is spiritually and sexually possible! When we embrace a relationship with our Heavenly Father, entering into a covenant with our husband, we create an exquisite piece of art. Our sexual differences are pieces of a beautiful puzzle meant to create a masterpiece as they interlock. Within marriage when we spiritually join together in sexuality, it makes us truly one flesh. As I pondered this Scripture and searched for clarification, I came across an amazing story that brought the concept to life. On television one night, I saw a reporter interview a set of Siamese twins. They were in their late teens and had been joined since birth. They were born at a time when doctors rarely separated conjoined twins. They had spent their entire lives joined at the hip but facing in opposite directions. Together, they had learned how to communicate with each other from their opposing perspectives. They helped each other accomplish goals despite their different views. They learned to carry on their daily responsibilities successfully while headed in two different directions as one. Their example provides a beautiful picture for our oneness in marriage.
As man and wife, we see things from two completely different perspectives yet God expects us to be joined sexually at the hip. I am convinced if these twins can learn to overcome so can we. We can learn to work together using our different angles to accomplish our goals even though we picture things from opposite view points. We may be facing in two different directions as man and woman, but we can victoriously walk out life together in one flesh through Christ daily as husband and wife. God is the third and only strand that wraps our hearts together and according to scripture, a strand of three is not easily broken. His love for us in that union provides everything we need to succeed at intimacy and lifelong marriage. When we choose to let our differences motivate us towards oneness instead of letting them tear us apart, it is very, very good!
What are the differences between the sexes?
Clearly, men and women are very different when it comes to physical oneness. We look at life from a completely different frame of reference just as the twins did. First, men are visually driven, and they often want what they see. Women, on the other hand, are more emotionally driven and they usually want what they can feel. Those differences motivate us to work together to create physical magic, producing an amazing sexual picture. If we were both emotional, then emotions would get in the way every time. If we were motivated by physical desire alone, there would be no emotional connection.
Our differences appear both in and outside the bed chamber and how we relate in each location shapes and affects the other. Just as the twins had to learn from birth, we have to learn from our re-birth into adoption by our Heavenly Father to communicate about our contrasting ideas. As we encounter intimacy and life from two completely different angles, we become one masterpiece through conversation and teamwork by putting the pieces together. Each of us holds a part of the other and together we can accomplish our goals despite our differences. As we cleave, we learn to verbalize our thoughts, ideas, and feelings in healthy ways in and outside the bed chamber. Through open communication about what we see from our point of view it stops us from heading in two different directions.
God gave us each the opposite piece of the puzzle and when united, all of the pieces form one beautiful piece of art. Our very different perspectives holds us accountable to the covenant of marriage. Real marital oneness requires selflessness if we want to stay grafted together. As we become one flesh through sexual intimacy, our oneness is the glue that holds our lives together when everything else in the kingdom is falling apart. As one flesh, we find the sweet communion God designed for us to experience emotionally and physically as we do life glued together. In the light of our new identity as sons and daughters of the King, living in a peaceful sexual palace is our inheritance and in the end, one plus one equals one, and from our Father's perspective, "That is very, very good!"
Do you want to live in a war-torn castle or a peaceful palace? The decision is up to you. You are the child of a Great King and you have the power to change the world you live in.
Household tip of the month:
Parenting tip of the month: