Planting Seeds of Faith That Will Not Wither

Helping our children grow in spiritual ways by planting seeds of faith that will not wither is one of the greatest responsibilities we have as parents. Watching the seeds we've planted take root, grow, and then flourish as they enter adulthood is an incredible blessing.

Recently as we've faced a "rocky soil" season, Dan and I have reflected on some of the seeds we've planted that are now beginning to grow. Here are some of the ideas we've learned and used over our twenty-two years of parenting. Our desire is to encourage you and your spouse as you maneuver the sometimes rocky soil of parenthood.

• Living the example of Christ is the foundation of our children's faith. If we have things in our lives that need to be confessed and removed, time is of the essence. Don't allow time to pass risking that your issues become their issues as adults. Practice confession and forgiveness from the early years of their lives.
• Teaching your children key foundations of their faith can stick with them for a lifetime. For example, we taught our children the Lord's Prayer. There are great things in the prayer you can discuss and use to explain being a follower of Christ. They memorized the Ten Commandments in a fun way using hand motions from a video on YouTube. They learned the 23rd Psalm and the Apostles Creed. We taught them the principles of fasting and prayer. We often discussed scriptures at the breakfast table including what we were learning in our own Bible study. We asked their opinions about scripture. 
• When children are younger, we parented more by the "law" design. Young children need black and white ideas to grab hold of and follow as they learn what it means to obey you, in turn obeying God as adults. Psychological studies done on babies show they thrive more with clear boundaries. Parent the "law" by love, teaching them we're not saved by the law. It was a measurement put in place by our Abba-Father to prove we are in need of a Savior. Parenting by the "law" in the beginning doesn't mean you expect perfection where mistakes are un-permitted. It's teaching the pursuit of excellence where making mistakes and learning from them helps us grow in who they are in Christ.
• As your children get older and begin to grow in responsibility, move towards parenting by grace. They now understand the law but they need to start owning their own decisions. They need to learn from their mistakes. Allow them the freedom to experience mistakes as long as they are not life threatening to them or someone else. Be there to hold them when they cry and celebrate them when they manage to overcome.
• As they head towards adulthood, begin to fill the role as counselor and not ruler. Teacher and not dictator. Gardener and not sculptor. We always maintained a few things that were non-negotiable at our house, not just for their sake, but for the sake of our other children, Discuss them and give Biblical reasons for those things.
• As you set non-negotiables in place, let them express their thoughts. We had several rules we put in place from the beginning that were non-negotiable. A few examples were, sex outside of marriage, tattoos, and drugs and alcohol. You can't control them but you can stand on God's word. Take tattoos for instance. We prayed it through and then presented our case by asking them this question, "Are you called to marry?". If the answer was "yes" then we explained that according to scripture, our body does not belong to us. It belongs to our spouse. Since tattoos are permanent markings, the decision of a tattoo would need to be made by them and their future mate together after they've married. This idea can be applied to almost any non-negotiable principle prior to marriage. It makes for great discussion as long as you take the approach of "this is what we believe" and not "this is what you will or will not do". They will respect you more for allowing discussion and grow in their appreciation for their future mate.
• Transitioning from adulthood can be very hard. Remember you were once there yourself. Transition time is when they're most vulnerable to the enemy's wild and crazy ways. This is where some children loose it. Remember, Jesus faced transition. Once he was baptized, he went into the wilderness alone. His parents could not go with him. He had to face the enemy and stand firm on what he knew to be true. Our children have to do the same thing. You've taught them everything they know and now they have to stand on that truth and destroy the enemy and his lies with their own faith. This can be a time where they test your love through actions. Err on the side of love no matter what. You don't have to condone their sin but you can love them despite their choices. 
• If your child starts to appear to be loosing it, don't panic. Consider offering to enter into a Bible study with them. A Proverb a day is a great start. It is full of wisdom they're going to need. Listen more intently. Don't panic. Pray and intercede for them a lot. Whatever you do, don't step in to control them. If you do, they will run the other way. This is a time to examine the fortress of your home and sheer up the walls. Confess if there are areas in your past as a parent where you blew it and ask their forgiveness. When we confess at the altar, we build a platform for their future praise and purpose.
• The place where they literally own their own faith will usually be the thing that God requires them to lay down they would rather hang on to. It might be a relationship, music, a hobby, a drug, or a career choice. Only when they lay it down will they step into the fullness of their spiritual future. Their garden experience will be a time like Jesus' example when he went to the Garden of Gethsemane asking for the Father to let the cup of suffering pass from him. In the end, in full surrender, he said, "Not my will but thine be done." That's the place where your children's resurrected future and destiny will really begin. Don't fall asleep as the disciples did in the Garden while Jesus prayed. Remain watchful and prayerful even into the wee hours of the night. When they come to the end of themselves declaring, "Not my will but thine be done" real faith has usually arrived. Give them time to get there and pray for it to come swiftly, realizing it might come in layers of laying down multiple things one at a time over a period of time.

​
The most important thing we can do throughout our children's lives is love them without condition. It doesn't mean we don't stand firm on our principles. Scripture says, God disciplines those he loves. But we do let them know that even when discipline is required, the love in our hearts for them will never stop. Remind them daily, no matter their age, that you love them and that God loves them even more. Secure for them that your love will never change no matter what they do. Make sure you differentiate between disapproving of their choices to sin and who they are as your child. They are not their sin. Their sin is just a poor choice. Pour out your love for who they are and who they will eventually become and not what they are doing.

"The one who plants and the one who waters work together with the same purpose. And both will be rewarded for their own hard work."  1 Cor. 3:8