Are you a Bubbling Brook or a Quiet Stream?
Why is my spouse not talking?
Dan and I have been married for thirty plus years. Over the years, communication is one area where Dan and I had a lot to learn. For years, it was a bumpy road and I often found myself complaining about Dan's communication skills. Several years back, I had a break through. The truth hit me as I realized the bigger problem with our communication was not him. It was me. (Ouch!) My need to constantly analyze a situation, create a solution to a problem, or simply state my opinion was at the root of our communication problems. Don't get me wrong, a wife's role in communication and the act of gathering and giving information is one of the many keys to success in marriage, which I share in depth in our new book, "Chaos in the Castle or Peace in the Palace?" There we lay out the details about the powerful gatherer and givers God created wives to be. However, outside that role, if we're not careful, we can have the tendency to talk a situation to death since...
Kiss me goodnight...
When was the last time you kissed your spouse? I mean, REALLY kissed them… Not just a passing peck, but an intentional, on the lips, tender, I love you KISS, straight from the heart with no hidden agenda .
Make it a habit to DAILY, intentionally kiss her good night just before you fall asleep.
Why not start tonight?
Design a budget...
Do you and your spouse have a budget?
Every business operates with a budgetary plan. In fact, there’s an aspect of marriage that should operate like a business. It needs to be run with the same principles in mind. The goal is to operate in the black and not in the red as a married couple. Today, one of the leading causes of divorce is financial failure. A budget helps you both work toward financial goals, and live within the means of your financial structure.
There are lots of online tools and programs that can help with budgeting, but having a budget all boils down to the same basics:
- Plan what you spend before you spend it
- Stop spending when you reach the amount allocated in the budget
- Don’t spend more than you make!
No one ever said it was easy, but a budget is critical to allowing you to achieve your financial goals and find economic success. For more on this topic, see the full blog at the link in our profile
When Dan and I got married, I had no idea what a...
I want to hold your hand...
Remember when you first met and you wanted to be with each other every minute of every day?
You would hold hands and wouldn't want to let go, no matter what. Through the years, it is easy to forget the little things that sparked your romance. Make a conscious effort this week to hold your wife's hand, whether sitting and watching TV, driving down the road, walking down the street, or as you drift off to sleep. Remembering the building blocks you started with can not only reignite the spark in your romance, but inspire joy for the journey as you continue on life’s path together.
Breakfast in bed...
Men, surprise your wife this week with breakfast in bed. If you have children at home, let them help you prepare and serve her. Show the woman of your dreams honor for all she does and who she is. Let her know she is the most important thing in your life and that she is valued beyond measure. You’ll win her heart!
Eliminate the D-word from your vocabulary
It’s not uncommon when things get tough for people to resort to threats, especially if they feel afraid. When it comes to marriage, if you really want your marriage to succeed, walking out the door is not an option. Through the years, I’ve been grateful that Lydia and I made a commitment to one another that no matter how difficult things got in our relationship, we would never use the “D-word” (D-I-V-O-R-C-E) in an argument.
Once divorce is mentioned, you’re opening yourself up to the idea that ending your marriage is a viable option and can lead you to seriously considering it. After over 30 years of marriage, it hasn’t all been easy, but knowing we’re both committed to our marriage has helped us through the storms of life.
Even in the times where everything appeared hopeless, our commitment to our covenant held strong and we made it through. Every marriage goes through seasons, and some are much harder than others. By sticking it out and...
Today’s unresolved anger becomes tomorrow’s bitterness
Have you ever had an argument and walked away angry?
Allowing hurt and angry feelings to linger is one of the most toxic things that can destroy a marriage. Letting an argument go unresolved allows the hurt feelings to fester. This opens the door to false beliefs about our spouse and their intentions. Our minds can go a million different directions and play all sorts of trick on us, but unresolved anger all leads to the same end… bitterness.
Bitterness is like a cancer that grows out of control and…
- Robs us of trust
- Kills our love
- Destroys our relationship
Just like with cancer, the earlier we catch it the easier it is to cure. By taking care of issues today, we can stop it from destroying our tomorrow. Don’t let issues fester, it just makes it worse and causes more and more problems. The longer issues remain unresolved, the deeper the hurt and more time can cause further serious consequences to the relationship.
In the heat of an argument, you may need...
Honey do list…
Husbands, how about catching up on your wife’s Honey-Do list?
Replace that light bulb, oil a door hinge, hang a picture, or whatever your bride has been asking you to do. Even better, if you really want to impress your bride, find things that need to be done without having to be asked.
For small projects, you may even get the whole family to join in. Teaching your children how to do household jobs is a life-long skill they need to develop. It not only helps bond family relationships, it prepares them for their future as they watch what it means to make a sacrifice in marriage for their spouse.
YouTube can pretty much teach you how to fix just about anything. If it seems too daunting, hire the right person for the bigger jobs, and make the smaller jobs a family project. Just make sure it gets on the calendar, so it doesn’t go unnoticed. Serving the queen of your palace is an opportunity to reignite the flame in her heart.
Clean out the dirty laundry before it cleans you out
| We all have dirty laundry that needs to be unpacked and aired out occasionally in order to move forward in healthy relationships. Previous experiences in discussions can shape our thoughts and how we deal with present circumstances. Understanding these connections is critical to reframing our perspective and changing our responses.
For example, if a person grows up with a father who is domineering and doesn’t allow anyone to disagree with his edicts, the individual may either become just like their father or choose to go the complete opposite, causing them to be apathetic in their leadership in their own home. Either choice is the extreme response based on past personal experience.
If you tend to be a docile leader, avoiding all conflict at any cost means nothing gets resolved and there’s no closure to marital issues. This keeps both parties trapped in a broken system of no communication. If you are the opposite and struggle with being... |
The family that prays together...
Marriage Warrior Mission:
Weekly missions providing practical ways to strengthen marriage and family, allowing men to step back from the chaos of life and focus on the most important relationships he has on earth.
Prayer is essential to keeping a family strong. Start each day praying for your wife and children. Take time to pray with your wife for protection, guidance and wisdom as you lead your family. Find a specific scripture to pray over your family and use as your family motto. If you don't already have one, check out Jeremiah 29:11, Matthew 6:33, and Romans 8:28.
